Hung Jury

It's been a few weeks since the verdict was given late in the evening on Friday, the 9th and it's taken this long to really think through and wrap our heads around the process. A "hung jury" was definitely not what we wanted to hear. For "Jane's" sake, I was hoping for closure and that she would never have to relive or recount those horrid details ever again. Sadly, that will not be the case. The trial has been tentatively reset for the fall and a new jury will be chosen.

I had just dropped Jane off at work about 30 minutes before I received the verdict. The thoughts running through my head were "how will she handle this and what kind of a setback will this incur." I texted her the results and ended up picking her back up from work. I prayed all the way there, and I knew nothing I could say would make things better. With tears streaming down our faces, we drove back home in silence. I expected her to shut down, retreat to her room and close the door which is her typical response when she's upset. Historically, she has chosen to deal with things alone for which we now understand why. She rarely opens up or communicates her feelings, so I assumed we may not see her until her graduation the next day.

But not this time. This time was different. We all grieved, vented and cried---TOGETHER. For the first time, she knew she wasn't alone...that she was loved...and that someone else besides her knew the whole story...and believed her. Someone else knew all the details and all the shame she spent many years hiding. For three hours, I watched the Lord make something beautiful out of something so unfortunate. What I thought was a complete waste of time this week, the Lord showed me that he never wastes a moment or a tear. I saw Him take an unfavorable decision and very bleak situation and work it out not only for our good, but especially Jane's just like he promised to do in Romans 8:28. The last three weeks have brought us closer together than I ever could have imagined. Her walls have come down and she's beginning to trust and learning to love.

I've come to realize that we take for granted even the simplest things in life like love. I thought my role in Jane's life was to be a light in the darkness and share Jesus' love with her, and while that is still true, it's even more basic than I once thought. The latter is assuming that someone has experienced or understands even the general idea of love because then you can explain how His love is different. But how do you share love with someone that has no concept of love to begin with? This racked my brain. We learn love from the moments we are born usually from a parent, a sibling or someone like a parent, but what if you never had any of those? To complicate matters, Jane's mom died from breast cancer when Jane was still very young. All of this explains why she was able to show no emotion when those in the courtroom heard for the first time that she's never been loved by her father. It wasn't shocking to her like it was to everyone else. Why? She didn't know what she was missing! Thankfully, now she does and I'm honored that God chose us to model that for her and to be an example of His love. This month, she has been able to see how a real father acts, protects and cares for his children. Jane watched a real dad fight for her. My hope is that this gives her a new perspective of her heavenly Father as well. Time is not mine and not a moment is wasted, so I'll just let God keep doing His thing.